November, we hardly knew you. And now December. Why must you be so hard?
Sure, as a kid, I found you easy. Gifts, Christmas pageants, and candy. Days off. Snow. Magic.
But then I became an adult, and wham! Suddenly, nothing was quite so stressful as trying to make Santa look good to my kiddos on Christmas. Unless it was pulling together the midday feast while respecting the extended family’s food preferences. You know, creating a gluten-free meal that’s low in salt and diabetic-friendly while still tasting good to those who love their sugar and starch.
These days, the year-end holidays are different. Rice and I rarely cook—hallelujah! In fact, we spent this past Thanksgiving at a local restaurant, enjoying a meal seated next to complete strangers. Correction: By the end of the meal, we were no longer strangers. We shared some laughs and light conversation with Rachel and her wife, Keira, as well as Keira’s mom and grandmother.
Now, maybe you’re thinking, where was our family? No worries. It’s all good.
Frankly, I think our kiddos, now all adults, are grateful I no longer try to turn our holidays into a Hallmark movie—starring me as the matriarch(!), the gracious hostess who opens her home effortlessly to extended family and friends. Because the thing is, that’s not me. Ever. Especially not during the holidays.
For me, it’s hard to stay calm in the midst of the cooking and chaos and kids, with everyone talking at once. Food gets burned—or remains woefully undercooked. Something breaks or someone gets hurt. A debate breaks out—over politics, game rules, or who-knows-what. When I’m a guest, those things roll off my back. When I’m the matriarch-hostess, I tend to own them.
Thanksgiving 2022 was close to perfect. The icing on the cake was spending time with family. But low-key style. Our son and his wife stayed at our house but ate at her parents’. Our younger daughter dined with her husband’s family but popped in and out with our grands throughout the weekend. We enjoyed Sunday brunch with our oldest, who worked Thanksgiving day.
But now comes December…. We’re easing our way in, some decorating here, a party or two there. We’ll likely spend Christmas Eve just us two—maybe with early evening church, followed by dinner at a local Thai place. Christmas morning will roll in slow and easy. With plenty of quiet time and hot coffee.
Come afternoon, the extended family will congregate—elsewhere!—invading our middle kiddo’s home. We’ll bring food and drink to share, gifts for her kids, hearts overflowing with blessings…and gratitude that the hardest part of the season has passed. And everyone will curse me when I say it’s time for the family photo. (I’m happy to play the matriarch card in this instance.)
Overall, the day should be fun and simple, especially since we no longer exchange gifts among the adults. No worries, though. One lucky soul will leave our gathering with a gift—the family’s “Flake of the Year” award. But only after nominations and debates and lots of belly laughs…because somehow we always manage to have an abundance of contenders each year.
How about you? Do you like to do your holidays BIG? Or do you prefer a quieter time? Either way, it’s the season for ALL the feels. Joy and dread, exhaustion and awe. Breaking old molds to make room for new traditions.
My point? I guess I’m coming to grips with how we all like to fa-la-la differently. Each of us is the star of our own holiday show—be it The Holiday, Elf, The Family Stone…or something entirely different. (Die Hard, anyone?)
Personally, I hope to make space this season for Jesus and Santa and dreidels,,,for family and candlelight…for community and peace. ‘Tis a difficult time for many. Including me. So I like to shine a light however I can.
For others? Of course. But also for myself.
Cheers ~ J
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