Ten New Observations from the Road

In early June, Rice and I checked off destinations #47, 48, and 49 on our quest to see all 50 of the United States. Yup, we’ve now ticked off both Dakotas and Montana, hopefully just on paper.

We’ve been on this journey for quite a few seasons now. Even so, there are always new places to see, experiences to share, and lessons to learn—mostly about ourselves, truth be told.

Here are some observations from our most recent road trip:

1. There are two types of traveling couples: those who like to travel together just the two of them, and those who do not. Sure, some like to mix it up and do both—maybe the beach with other couples, but new destinations just themselves. Neither approach is right or wrong, mind you. What’s important is knowing and respecting your own personal inclinations. (And may God and compromise help you if you and your partner don’t align here.)

For giggles, Rice and I sometimes gauge our ongoing travel compatibility, like at a stop in Medora, where I spotted two men our age traveling together in Corvettes. “Are you part of a club?” I asked one “No,” he said, “just friends.” On closer look, I saw each had a woman in his vehicle; one looked like an original wife (or girlfriend), the other a newer model. When I got back to our car, I asked Rice if he’d like to rent something sporty and try some double-date traveling down the road. He restarted the car, waited a beat, and finally said, “Nah.” I exhaled relief.

2. No matter how well you plan, surprises will arise. Some of these might be good, like winning big at one of Billings’ 95 casinos—which, no, we didn’t do. Our surprises were more like car trouble in Wisconsin and a power outage at check-in when we got to our Dickinson hotel.

3. Yes, Southerners are hospitable, but Midwesterners win the prize for being NICE. And just for the record, I’m oh, so tired of folks who consider being nice a weakness. From Evansville, where the waiters and bartenders talked AND listened to us, to Madison, where the folks at the VW dealership fit in an emergency fix in less than 90 minutes, everyone was incredibly nice. Same goes for the hotel maintenance guys in Dickinson who schlepped our luggage up the stairs for us because the elevator was out…and then declined a tip. Midwestern nice on full display.

4. Despite what it looks like on social media, there is no way to see and do it all during travel. It’s easy to let the quest for a perfect journey interfere with enjoying an exceptional one. For instance, we debated skipping Montana this round because we couldn’t fit it all in. Was Billings the most picturesque part of the state? Probably not. But we loved its kick-ass murals, its walkable downtown, and an amazing Vegan-friendly restaurant (Walker’s) across from our hotel.

5. On the topic of food…. If you travel with a donut aficionado in search of THE BEST of THE BEST in every town visited, don’t join in the hunt and expect the scale to like you once you return home. Also don’t point out that donuts may not be Vegan-friendly. And try not to have too big a tantrum when the donut-eating Vegan weighs in two pounds lighter upon the return home.

6. Nothing is quite so blue as the Western sky.

7. Traveling as a couple works best—for us, at least—if you build in some down time to be apart. It took several trips for us to learn this, but we’re getting the hang of it now. He likes to face the day with coffee and breakfast and time at the gym; I like to ease into a less-structured morning. He is a history-loving man who’s never met a landmark he couldn’t study for hours; I like a Spark notes version of the past and enjoy landscapes and terrains over markers and monuments.

8. There’s something about cemeteries, though. Both Rice and I enjoy visiting them. (Just to clarify, we like to visit as living beings.) Deadwood’s Mount Moriah Cemetery didn’t disappoint. It fascinated me to learn it segregated its dead. There was an Old West area where Wild Bill Hickock and Calamity Jane laid in rest, but also Jewish and Chinese sections, a special area for children, and a potters field where paupers and indigent people were buried. Apparently, this is not an unusual practice, this segregation in burial grounds. Who says a woman of a certain age can’t learn new things?

9. On the topic of learning…. Traveling couples would be wise to learn how to deal with daily spats. Personally, Rice and I like to deal with them the Ted Lasso way. You know: “Be a goldfish,” a creature with such a short attention span, it’s easy to forget and move on. But if that fails, there’s always the Honey-and-Rice way, which is to look for the fun (or funny) in the inevitable irritations. Here’s an example. Me: “Now don’t get irked with yourself and burrow your head up your ass if this route turns out to be bad.” Him: “I won’t.” [Smirk] “Unless it’s to shut out your complaints about the GPS lady’s tone as she recalculates our route.” Sigh.

10. Finally, whenever possible, build in some special stops to visit with people who have touched your lives in a special way along your journey. Letting them know what they meant to you once upon a time is golden. And sometimes, learning how much you still connect provides an icing too delicious to describe.

On this trip, we caught up with some of Rice’s debate buddies from college, folks we’ve seen through the years, which has always been a delight. In addition, we reconnected with one of my college roommates, the maid of honor in our wedding. We hadn’t seen her in forty years, but we picked up as though no time had passed at all. What a pleasure—a privilege, even—to relive sweet memories and make new ones with Lyn and Doug, David and Michele. Love and safe travels, dear friends, wherever the road takes you next.

As I try to digest all this, a visit to state #50 lies on the horizon for Rice and me. Fingers crossed that our health, love, and patience for one another hold up through July.

I’m optimistic.

Still, I’m working on that goldfish thing. Really.

Cheers ~ J