(NOTE: This post is dedicated to Agnes F. Brown, who will retire on 9/30/19 after 20-plus years of work in public service. The lady is classic, mindful, and caring. I have no doubt she seeks—and finds—happiness each and every day. But Agnes is also an achiever, and I sense a frustration in her for not having an answer to a well-meaning question many have recently asked: “What’s next?” So I say this to you, Agnes, with respect and love: “Stop with all the achieving already! Take time to breathe. Regroup. Say ‘NO!’ And when asked ‘What’s next?’ maybe reply with a smile and a shrug. After all, isn’t taking time to enjoy our own happiness one of the biggest achievements of all?”)
As a lad in school, the late John Lennon was asked what he wanted to be when he grew up. Lennon wrote down, ‘Happy.’ “You don’t understand the assignment,” he was told. “No,” he countered, “you don’t understand life.” Whether the exchange between Lennon and a teacher really occurred as outlined above, who knows? I imagine it could have, and I smile at the thought of the bad boy Beatle saying such a roguish thing.
In the Midwestern protestant pocket of my youth, happiness wasn’t pursued. It came to us, so we were told, as a result of serving others with a joyful heart, turning the other cheek, and understanding that it is better to give than to receive. (Oh, yeah, that worked.)
The pursuit of happiness these days is less frowned upon, not perceived so much as self-centered and shallow as once upon a time. The pursuit of happiness is a US Constitutional right, after all. Maybe even a divine gift. For those reasons and more, people in this day and age are on a quest for what Lennon wanted to be sixty-plus years ago: Happy.
The most recent World Happiness Report, published in March 2019, ranked 156 countries by how happy their citizens perceive themselves to be. And you know what? In this year’s report—the 12th ever produced by the United Nations Sustainable Development Solutions Network in partnership with the Ernesto Illy Foundation—the U.S. came in at #19.
Nineteen! That means the residents of 18 other countries in the world perceive themselves to be happier than those of us here in the U.S.
(A few writer’s notes here...just in case you’re wondering. Note1: The Scandinavian countries kicked some big-time booty with their high happiness rankings. Note2: Yes, I do take this report with a grain of salt. Note3: I still find it interesting.)
So what are some of the possible reasons so many of us see ourselves as less than happy? For starters, how about worsening health conditions, declining social trust, cynicism toward government, addiction, behavioral health issues...and don’t get me started on social media. (I mean, does your life ever look as rich and splendid and pulled together as the filtered goings-on of your Instagram friends?)
Because so many of us in the U.S. are unhappy, guess what? Happiness continues to be BIG BUSINESS. A recent search on Google for “happiness influencers” turned up a list of 7,142 individuals. Goodreads shares a list of 288 of the best happiness book titles. BOOK RIOT lists 100 must-read books about happiness.
It doesn’t stop with programs and books and blogs. A search for happiness products on the web produced items such as supplements, planners and journals, adult coloring books, essential oils, light therapy lamps, meditations, plants, luxurious bedsheets, sex toys, bath bombs and salts, self-improvement regimens...the list goes on.
Hey, who am I to complain about people making money trying to help others feel happier? I myself am guilty of feeding the happiness consumption craze. In fact, if I were more of an entrepreneur than an artsy fart, I might even try to monetize it myself. I mean, what’s wrong with that? As long as you’re doing it legally and ethically, of course.
For now, though, my words are coming to you at no cost and without a blast of citations regarding the science and evidence-based research behind them. (You get what you pay for, no?)
Contemplating my own level of happiness, I happen to believe what many psychologists say: Happiness is 50% determined by genetics. (You do the research on proving this true or false. I’m too busy damning my ancestors for an overdose of melancholy that made it into my gene pool and surfaces when least appropriate.)
That said, if each of us comes to this earth with our own predisposition toward happiness, are we each doomed to be a complete cackling hyena or serious Sol? I doubt that. But neither do we have to deny our underlying nature. Some of us are just more naturally joyful.
To an extent, we are what we are, right? And I’ve already confessed that I sometimes wear an unflattering shade of melancholy. But I’ve also mentioned finding a list of 7,142 individuals out there known as “happiness influencers”, remember? Well, I happen to follow one, Gretchen Rubin, who, with her sister Elizabeth Craft, hosts a free podcast called “Happier with Gretchen Rubin.” And now that I've shamelessly plugged them (for no reason other than simply choosing to do so), please allow me to share a happiness hack passed along by these sage sisters.
In late 2017, Gretchen and Elizabeth issued a challenge to their listeners. In lieu of the usual new-year’s resolutions so many of us make and break, they suggested we identify—and write down—18 things to accomplish during 2018 that would add to our level of happiness.
For some reason, I found the “Eighteen for ‘18” challenge appealing. In my mind, this shed a positive light (enhancing happiness) on a practice that had repeatedly delivered me negative results (failing at self-improvement). I appreciated the variety of the tasks—some ongoing, some one-time deals.
So how did I do? Well, remember, I’m someone who really hates to keep score! Yet in spite of that, I hung in through 2018, kept some and changed some up for 2019, and am contemplating a repeat once more in 2020. So perhaps that’s telling in itself?
Whatcha think?
If you find the challenge above silly, so be it. But if something about it appeals, why not consider making a short list for the remainder of 2019? Better yet, start mapping out your own “Twenty for ‘20” happiness goals for next year.
(Pssssst, Agnes, you can do this exercise again, but only if you’d like. And maybe ease up and don’t worry about making all your goals so SMART?)
Remember, all: Never chase happiness. Seek it. Find it. Relish it. And if you’re so inclined, drop me a line and let me know what it looks like to you.
Cheers! Jan
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